This post is a very special one as, while posting the link to this lens in the SquidU forum, Norma Budden didn't know that her lens would touch me and push me to question myself...
In January I put an end to my relations with my son's God Mother. For different reasons, the main one being that, since 1999, I was unable to forgive her for having lost my son in a town whe brough him. He was 7 years old, didn't have a clock, she sent the chidren playing in the playground and spent her time with her boyfriend in a cafe. They gave the kids instructions for gathering in some place at a certain hour, my son didn't listen and lost both the adults and kids. He was left on his own, had to walk the entire town to find the car and wait for the group to come back. When she brought my son home, his God Mother said that she would never take him any more, that he didn't pay attention to the instructions and that he was responsible for being lost. She didn't apologize for not having kept an eye on the kids.
I remember that, back in 1993, in Sousse Medina (Tunisia), while shopping, I noticed that her son was leaving with an unknown person, a Tunisian... I ran after them, asked the man why he did take the child, and after a while, I got the kid back. His mother was looking for stuff in a store and didn't pay attention to him. She lost her son another time, few years later and spent an entire afternoon looking after him. So, to me, having lost my son was her fault. She was responsible.
Over the years, this close friend used to stop all relations and contacts with her oldest friends depending on the man she met and lived with. And so I was often rejected, like the other oldest ones, when she met someone. Once the relation was ended, she came back... but never apologized. Another habit was that she always contacted me when she ran out of money, although she earns more money than I do.
Five years ago she also started speaking about all her other friends, saying that they aren't real friends, she didn't like them but kept their friendship because they could help her whenever she needed. I thus questioned our own friendship: why was she a friend of mine? She said: I'm your son's God Mother, that's our lace.
Back in January 2010, I didn't have news from her for almost one year. Just a phone call when her father died but she never replied when I sent a message saying that my cousin died in November. Then in January, I got a message from her new boyfriend (where did he get my mail address?) saying that he was planning my friend's birthday and asked for help. I never met this person and answered that I wanted HER to ask me as I didn't know who he is and didn't know if I could trust him. The only replies I've got were his replies. He insisted for the birthday planning. The last message I sent was that I had enough of her "games". We aren't children any more. If she wants me to come to her birthday party, she sends an email or at least introduces the guy to me. Period. I added "It's strange, she only asks me when she needs money or help". He replied that I'm the worst friend she ever had.
This is where I sent an email to her explaining the way I felt and that I never want to hear from her any more.
That is the reason why Norma Budden's "The Art of Forgiveness" does touch me. While I'm the kind of person who would have an argument with someone and forgive in the next seconds, there's something I couldn't forgive: murder and my friend having lost my child.
I kept the anger for 10 years.
I remember that, back in 1993, in Sousse Medina (Tunisia), while shopping, I noticed that her son was leaving with an unknown person, a Tunisian... I ran after them, asked the man why he did take the child, and after a while, I got the kid back. His mother was looking for stuff in a store and didn't pay attention to him. She lost her son another time, few years later and spent an entire afternoon looking after him. So, to me, having lost my son was her fault. She was responsible.
Over the years, this close friend used to stop all relations and contacts with her oldest friends depending on the man she met and lived with. And so I was often rejected, like the other oldest ones, when she met someone. Once the relation was ended, she came back... but never apologized. Another habit was that she always contacted me when she ran out of money, although she earns more money than I do.
Five years ago she also started speaking about all her other friends, saying that they aren't real friends, she didn't like them but kept their friendship because they could help her whenever she needed. I thus questioned our own friendship: why was she a friend of mine? She said: I'm your son's God Mother, that's our lace.
Back in January 2010, I didn't have news from her for almost one year. Just a phone call when her father died but she never replied when I sent a message saying that my cousin died in November. Then in January, I got a message from her new boyfriend (where did he get my mail address?) saying that he was planning my friend's birthday and asked for help. I never met this person and answered that I wanted HER to ask me as I didn't know who he is and didn't know if I could trust him. The only replies I've got were his replies. He insisted for the birthday planning. The last message I sent was that I had enough of her "games". We aren't children any more. If she wants me to come to her birthday party, she sends an email or at least introduces the guy to me. Period. I added "It's strange, she only asks me when she needs money or help". He replied that I'm the worst friend she ever had.
This is where I sent an email to her explaining the way I felt and that I never want to hear from her any more.
That is the reason why Norma Budden's "The Art of Forgiveness" does touch me. While I'm the kind of person who would have an argument with someone and forgive in the next seconds, there's something I couldn't forgive: murder and my friend having lost my child.
I kept the anger for 10 years.
Indeed, forgiveness is an art. And Norma Budden built a piece of art with this lens. It's definitely a must-read for anyone.
Posted by Squidoo Lensmaster Prosperity66
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